A Penny for Your Thoughts

Standing at the check out counter at Braum's with my fresh veggies for the evening and a small container of Chocolate Chip Ice Cream for dessert, the woman cashier placed the products in my recycle bag, turned to the register and spoke in a solemn voice, "That's $8.02."

I handed her a ten dollar bill. 

"Do you have two cents?" Her voice didn't change, only a toneless request.

Immediately, I dug around in my purse then replied, "No." Taking in a casual breath I added, "I have a penny." I proudly showed my penny as proof.

The young pale woman stared through me, her face blank of all expression. How sad, I thought as I studied her face and lack of any kind of movement in her body gestures. At last my fumbling fingers found a penny, two pennies in my purse.  I handed her the $10 and two pennies.  

I remained fixed on this woman's face as she placed the bill in the register and counted out my change. Still no expression, no life in her body. 

I reached for the bills as she handed them to me, then in a whisper I asked, "May I give you a tip?" 

She nodded like I guess.

I gave her the change back and a bill in my purse. She almost smiled as she stuffed the money in a tiny pocket in her jeans. 

My heart pounded with agony to see someone so empty.

In the car I sat thinking about her. Had Covid caused such pain in her life, or had her life been filled with pain, fear, anger? Probably all of those my heart replied.

My stomach began to roll. I needed a malt, and here I sat in Braum's parking lot unable to move.  A tear rolled down my face as I backed out of the parking lot begging my mind to think of something else. Please

My mind did as I asked, it prowled my recesses for answers, for prayers, for humor, for words. In the swirling motion of a child playing with Sparklers my brain called out, "cents." 

"Cents?" I asked myself and the answer came back "sense." Heading west on Main into a blazing setting sun I pondered sense. Yes, I have sense, more than two senses. Ha, I laughed at myself, and felt better. 

Gabbing to myself as I sat in traffic I thought, "Yes, and I have good sense. My stomach sensed anxiety; Feeling the setting sun on my skin brings warmth; My taste buds delight when I go to Braum's for the flavors and taste of cold ice cream. The teacher brain wasn't helping.

Then my car pulled into an eclectic gift shop called "In Your Dreams."  Why? 

My brain smiled. Following my footsteps I walked around the shop until I smelled the perfumed hand lotions and spays. I needed to smell the sweetness. I needed to feel the cool lotion on my body, to heal my ache for this woman. 

My brain knew all along (as did Maslow ) that this woman who haunted me needs hugs, kind warm sincere hugs. She needs love and assurance that she is a good person. She needs money, and probably stable food and shelter. She has needs that I have never experienced.

I walked out that day feeling blessed but with a hole in my heart. There will be another day for me to buy ice cream at Braum's. I will be alert to others needs before I put my needs first. My air hugs will be in the form of thoughtful prayers for all  women in her shoes. I will be a better person because everyone's life matters, and I can help. I will carry cash in my pocket and a kind word for whomever helps me.

Our minister recently said in church, "Love does no wrong to a neighbor." She is my neighbor. It is a small world. 

Unfinished Business

My bucket list is filled with goals to achieve and places to go, someday. Over the last few years I have been thinking of things not done, goals not reached, places not visited and concerns. Do I still have twenty healthy years left to finish everything? 

Last year the Women's Oklahoma Golf Association announced that Golf Club of Oklahoma in Broken Arrow would be the site for the 2020 Women's State Amateur. Pouncing like a cat on a mouse, energy and drive filled my body. I knew  I must find the stamina and strong back to play in the four days of competition in the Oklahoma heat and humidity of July, because I had some 'unfinished business' to take care of on that golf course.

In 1988 I played Golf Club of Oklahoma for a USGA Women's Mid Amateur qualifier. With three teenagers at home, and a golf coaching job at NHS I set out to qualify. I knew from the practice round that I must learn how to hit out of the sand and straight up an embankment of 19'. Thank you Tom Fazio, Course Designer, who found ways to challenge a golfer mentally on every shot.  That summer my husband, Jack, drove me to the sand banks of the Canadian River where he shagged balls for me as I practiced hitting.  My visual was to pretend I could hit the ball as high as the highway bridge. 

#17 a par 3 at Golf Club of Oklahoma

My plan was nearly flawless. When I teed off  The Golf Course of Oklahoma that morning in August 1988 against Susan Basolo Kennedy and Deena Dills Nowotny I lost all focus. Jack tried in every way to help me swing and hit the golf ball squarely, but my mind and body would not work together until I faced the 17th hole, a par 3 with water to the right and deep sandy bunkers to the left. I had practiced that shot. I knew that shot like the back of my hand, and I performed that shot to perfection. Instead of landing the ball on the green with my tee shot, I pulled it into the deep bunker on the left and found myself faced with the shot I had practiced on the river bank. My body sprang into action. The sand wedge lifted the ball up, onto the green, where it promptly rolled into the hole for a birdie 2. I failed to qualify but I did have ONE fantastic shot that day. 

*Dena Dills Nowotny is in the Oklahoma  Golf Hall of Fame

*Susan Basolo Kennedy was a talented dynamic golfer Herstory

Thirty-two years later, I grabbed the opportunity to play that course once again in competition. On June 6, 1966 I shot a 76 at Ponca City Country Club and qualified for Championship Flight. Never again have I played that well in competition, especially not in a qualifying round. So those two thoughts filled my mind and it became my driving force, even through the panic of Covid. 

hole #10, the climb toward my goal

I worked out in the gym with weights, focused on strength and balance with Yoga and Tai Chi classes, and swung the golf club in my backyard to keep my body in shape all winter.  Older bodies do not perform like younger bodies in anyway except we can still focus and persevere, like an old mountain goat.  

This spring Dr. Beth Brown, sports psychologist, introduced me to "SupHer Power Golf for Women." The mental focus helped me push ahead and set a firm pictures of how and what I planned to achieve. 

SupHer Power Golf for Women

Did I do what I set out to do? This became my driving question instead of scoring as I played in May, June, and July. Did I set out to play 18 holes in thirty putts or less? Did I set out to hit my Driver down the middle and at least 160 yards (I may not out drive you, but I will beat you around the green!) Did I set out to chip the ball within 10' of the hole? My scorecard this year has a scores and + or - if I played to my goal on a hole. 

The process of being mentally prepared paved the way. Every shot I performed the same routine: 

1) see the line vividly (take a snapshot)

2) stand over the ball and fully visualize the shot (the snapshot I took earlier)

3) slowly take my club back

Did I do what I set out to do? YES. On July 20, 2020 I set out to play my best qualifying round of golf since 1966 and I did it. I did it at Golf Club of Oklahoma where I didn't have any fantastic shots, but I hit only 84 shots on a course of 5,300 yards. My body and mind know that I climbed my Mt. Everest and have seen the view. It felt damn good. 

Earl Woods successfully taught his son, Tiger, to 'PUTT THE PICTURE.'

Letty has Literally learned to "LIVE THE PICTURE."

Footnote: My timer went off at 4:00 today so I would take a break, mix the meatloaf, and bake it 45 minutes while I wrote. I took the break outside, felt refreshed and walked back to my studio to write. I never glanced at the kitchen! So we are having spaghetti and meat sauce. Life, just like golf sometimes gets off track.