A Penny for Your Thoughts

Standing at the check out counter at Braum's with my fresh veggies for the evening and a small container of Chocolate Chip Ice Cream for dessert, the woman cashier placed the products in my recycle bag, turned to the register and spoke in a solemn voice, "That's $8.02."

I handed her a ten dollar bill. 

"Do you have two cents?" Her voice didn't change, only a toneless request.

Immediately, I dug around in my purse then replied, "No." Taking in a casual breath I added, "I have a penny." I proudly showed my penny as proof.

The young pale woman stared through me, her face blank of all expression. How sad, I thought as I studied her face and lack of any kind of movement in her body gestures. At last my fumbling fingers found a penny, two pennies in my purse.  I handed her the $10 and two pennies.  

I remained fixed on this woman's face as she placed the bill in the register and counted out my change. Still no expression, no life in her body. 

I reached for the bills as she handed them to me, then in a whisper I asked, "May I give you a tip?" 

She nodded like I guess.

I gave her the change back and a bill in my purse. She almost smiled as she stuffed the money in a tiny pocket in her jeans. 

My heart pounded with agony to see someone so empty.

In the car I sat thinking about her. Had Covid caused such pain in her life, or had her life been filled with pain, fear, anger? Probably all of those my heart replied.

My stomach began to roll. I needed a malt, and here I sat in Braum's parking lot unable to move.  A tear rolled down my face as I backed out of the parking lot begging my mind to think of something else. Please

My mind did as I asked, it prowled my recesses for answers, for prayers, for humor, for words. In the swirling motion of a child playing with Sparklers my brain called out, "cents." 

"Cents?" I asked myself and the answer came back "sense." Heading west on Main into a blazing setting sun I pondered sense. Yes, I have sense, more than two senses. Ha, I laughed at myself, and felt better. 

Gabbing to myself as I sat in traffic I thought, "Yes, and I have good sense. My stomach sensed anxiety; Feeling the setting sun on my skin brings warmth; My taste buds delight when I go to Braum's for the flavors and taste of cold ice cream. The teacher brain wasn't helping.

Then my car pulled into an eclectic gift shop called "In Your Dreams."  Why? 

My brain smiled. Following my footsteps I walked around the shop until I smelled the perfumed hand lotions and spays. I needed to smell the sweetness. I needed to feel the cool lotion on my body, to heal my ache for this woman. 

My brain knew all along (as did Maslow ) that this woman who haunted me needs hugs, kind warm sincere hugs. She needs love and assurance that she is a good person. She needs money, and probably stable food and shelter. She has needs that I have never experienced.

I walked out that day feeling blessed but with a hole in my heart. There will be another day for me to buy ice cream at Braum's. I will be alert to others needs before I put my needs first. My air hugs will be in the form of thoughtful prayers for all  women in her shoes. I will be a better person because everyone's life matters, and I can help. I will carry cash in my pocket and a kind word for whomever helps me.

Our minister recently said in church, "Love does no wrong to a neighbor." She is my neighbor. It is a small world.