Struggling

A True Golden Okie.

Lately, my mind has been cluttered with worry, frustrations, and sadness brought on as we watch Jack's dear mother age rapidly before our very eyes.  She lovingly raised five healthy strong amazing children and has watched over her fifteen grandchildren, and now her eleven great-grandchildren.  Over the last forty years she has been the vibrant force behind her country band, The Golden Okies.  Now, at 89 she's bent and growing frailer as the days pass, but her smile and love of music still radiate from her heart.

Tossing and turning, I try to think of ways to change her health, her situation, to make it "all better."  When I'm driving, reading, or walking my mind screams, "Do something!"  We've tapped every resource we know, and still we are losing.  Instead of helping, I realize we are struggling with decisions they  have made, with the distance between families, and fighting time.

When I prayed for guidance, for a message, for a sign, for help I waited.  As the days passed I grew angry at my helplessness, and then I actually laughed a little, and told my husband, "I missed it.  I'm sure God gave me a sign, but I just didn't recognize it."  Nothing changed, I was still angry and frustrated.

Then two things happened.  Through prayer, mediation and reflection, I realized that Alleen needs what we all need, love, comfort and support.  Those are things I can do.   Her family in Norman is doing them daily, and we will visit and support her as often as we can.  What I can't do is make her follow my plan.  I am not in control here, and I have to learn to let that go.

Nothing can stop our love, and that is what matters.  Love.

Though my goal is to write about life on the lighter side, I realize that there are simply bumps and heartaches we all deal with, and it is how we deal with them that show our character and strength.  Alleen is a strength for her family and friends, and that makes me smile deep down inside to know someone so loving and full of life.

...God's will be done.....