Things I Wanted to Say

After my daughter drove away my mind and heart were filled with things I wanted to say, to do, to show, to share.  So many miles and years between us.  So many little things about her life, about my life, gifts and memories.  So many little things that add up faster than the yeas go by.  "Here, Sweetie, these are the opal earrings and necklace that your dad gave me the year before you were born.  And this, the fragile 1960's daisy earring tree,  I bought  in Killeen, Texas the first year your dad and I were married."  

China hands made in Japan before WWII.

"I wish you could have met my grandmother and Aunt Della.  They collected the China hands that now fill the antique case.  Grandma always kept her hands busy with crafts, sewing, and quilting.  Della was an artist down in her soul, but poor health and hard work took her life too soon.   Photography was her love, she'd even met Margaret Burke White in Taos.  (But would I want to tell her that heavy social drinking stopped so much creativity in her?)  The black and white lithograph in the dining room was purchased decades ago from Birger Sandzin a well-known artist in Kansas and acquaintance of Della's.  Her artist community spread from Wichita, to Denver and Santa Fe.  She made several trips to Taos and Santa Fe with her striking red-headed friend, Murphy Doodle (the only name I recall she had).  I've often wondered if Della knew Georgia O'Keefe since that is where she met so many artists.  I have a copper necklace that came from New Mexico.  It hung on Della's frail chest and looked so elegant.  I wear it from time to time and it always makes me feel special.  The ring with tiny diamonds and blue sapphires was designed by Della.  I wore that, too, attached to a wedding band, but now it hangs on a sliver of a silver necklace."

Hand pieced quilt by Grandma (Stapp)  Oursler.

Divorce leaves empty gaps and all these many years later I still try to fill that void.  But on Katy's "40th" birthday we merely went on doing all I know to do, creating more happy memories for the both of us, and for the men we share our love with from day to day and throughout the years to come.  Sadly, we forgot to take those photos of our time together.  Della would have made it a special event.  Hopefully, we will both remember the walks with the dogs, a round of golf on a nearly perfect Kansas day, a very special meal served with rich cheeses, shrimp, potatoes, and asparagus called "Raclette" complimented with delicious wines, and topped off with Dark Chocolate Fondant.  We all laughed when the candles tipped sideways on the soft liquid chocolate center of the fondant, so 10 candles represented the 40 years of love, happiness, adventures, and memories.

Ironically, I've been waking Katy (in person or by phone call) on every birthday at 7:11 in the morning since that is when she came into this world.  On a morning when she was in our home, I hesitated and left her sleeping, or should I say I left the dogs sleeping.  

Two-Bit the ferocious dog.

Three possessive dogs under one roof made a lasting impression of hilarity on our minds, and that day I decided to let sleeping dogs lie.  Happy Day, every day Katy.