Death never knocks. He just enters.
When my mother died of Sepsis over thirty years ago, I only had time to pray, "God's will be done." Eight weeks later as my father lay dying of a broken heart I cried my prayers to the Lord asking for help and guidance for his soul. I knew he was lost and lonely without my mother.
Rose's voice often became high pitched when she felt frantic or upset. I can imagine the sound of her voice as she drove and cried, "Don, don't you dare die on me. Please don't you die. Don't you dare die Don." I often wonder how many times she prayed those words and cried them out loud.
Sometimes the Angels step in and save a person's life.
Don didn't die that night and they lived to enjoy a few more warm and cozy years on Grand Lake together, but those words never left my heart.
Death never knocks. He just enters...
Recently, I rushed my husband to ER one Saturday night. He had fallen on a boulder a few days earlier (while trying to retrieve a lost golf ball) and bruised his left side. Bruised and broken do not carry the same definition. Three days later the ER doctor explained how lucky Jack was to not have punctured his lungs or spleen with those two broken ribs!
The doctor's last words were "Take it easy, Rest and heal." He might have added that coughing can hurt, but Jack learned that on his own when his allergies kicked in with this Oklahoma wind. Two days of coughing and Jack felt worse. On Thursday his family doctor said, "This looks really bad. We need to run a CT scan." Really bad is best described as black and blue bruises from his armpit to his back bone around to his chest and down his front and back. By Thursday he looked like he was carrying a five pound ball on his left side, and his ribs were pounding with messages like "You need help." By Friday when the CT scan was complete he looked and felt looked like life was draining away, and now the ribs were threatening his life and still we stayed home. At seven o'clock the doctor called us back with the results and said that his lungs were filling with fluid and he had six broken ribs. If he felt faint or light headed to go straight to ER. Meds would be available tomorrow.
( Authors Note: When dealing with stubborn people, just say GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.")
Death never knocks. He just enters....
During my worries and restlessness that week, I discovered an old book that had fallen off the shelf a few days earlier, "Meeting God in Quiet Places" by F.LaGard Smith. Like a whisper coming through the Aspen my heart heard, "he maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside still waters." There on the cover I saw the green green pastures that carry my heart to a home long ago.
I began reading aloud to myself to calm my soul when Jack walked by and listened as I read a parable about rabbits and perception.
"Jesus taught in simple parables to test people's hearts, not their ears...a person whose heart is already turned toward God will easily see God in nature." (Daily we sit at the kitchen table and marvel at the beauty of nature in our backyard. It is a time we share and value together.
"Rabbits lives depend on hearing the approach of danger...If the rabbit on the hill can teach me anything, maybe it's that I need to make sure I'm on the right wavelength: God's wavelength."*
We talked a while about our feelings and fears and came to a deeper sense of calm. Within minutes TIME stopped for us. As Jack walked away he stopped turned toward me and said, "I'm dizzy." Then he dropped to the floor, white as ash.
Death never knocks. He just enters...
I found my voice to call to 911.
Time passed. The fire department and ambulance arrived. They took my husband to the Health Plex as he struggled to breath and his heart had gone into AFib. I was left standing stund. Trouble had phoned ahead, but we weren't listening.
Now I sat with my husband and watched him breath. I didn't cry. I whispered a scream "Don't you Die. Keep breathing. Don't you die. We're a team, don't you leave me." Now I knew how Rose had felt that night.
Sometimes the Angels step in and save a person's life.
Three doctors stepped in to perform the surgery to drain the blood and fluid from his lungs. When at last I could be with him I, too, could breath.
Jack remained in ICU three days. Today we are in our sixth week of healing. We are both breathing better. We have shared many deep deep fears and realizations that come to people when we they've seen the ghost of death.
I picked up the book "Meeting God in Quiet Places" again this week and noticed my notes from the hospital hours. I, honestly, didn't want to read them or relive them, but my heart and head pushed me to reflect.
I found these lines, "LIfe is all about conflict. Peace comes not in the cessation of conflict but in the learning how to deal with conflict. The peace begins on the familiar battleground of our own hearts...The peace of God comes to us when we use the quiet time of our life to turn our hearts over to God so that he can prepare us for whatever struggles we face... out of these special times with him, we will emerge better prepared for the spiritual battles which lie ahead." **
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| Joy in my heart |
There is a time and place for reflection, and we are blessed to have the life to reflect upon.
**This story was prefaced with an earlier blog: "March On" <https://literallyletty.blogspot.com/2021/03/march-on.html>
Helen Stapp died August 26, 1989
Johnie Stapp died October 21, 1989
Ralph Don Rains died December 15, 1995
Rose Roberts Rains died November 21, 1999.
*pgs. 23-25 "Meeting God In Quiet Places"
** p. 84 "Meeting God in Quiet Places"
