Laughing Out Loud

 I read in The Week, the Best of the U.S. and International Media (July 9--16, 2021) that scientists have concluded that the aging process is, sadly, unstoppable. (I threw the magazine down in laughter. Scientists didn't know that we will grow old and die?)...

Evolutionary biology trumps everything and, so far, medical advances have been unable to beat these biological constraints.  (p.21 from The Guardian) How much of our tax dollars were spent on this discovery? 

Getting older is a problem, and it is the funniest stage of my life so far. Our daughter is turning fifty next month (Mike and Ann are already fifty, ouch) and can't wait to join AARP. I thought she was making fun of me when she said that she enjoyed watching The Kominsky Method on Netflix. "Mom," she retorted, when I accused her of making fun of my age, "I understand your age. My body is getting older, too." I laughed, and later watched another episode of the Kominsky Method. Even if you don't know the characters (two older men in Hollywood going back into the dating scene) this line can make you laugh: 

"Dating advice? Last time you went on a date, Richard Nixon was in office and he was doing well."

Sandy Kominsky in The Kominsky Method, Season 1 Episode 6 - Found at: https://www.thyquotes.com/the-kominsky-method/

The funniest not funny thing about aging is the hearing loss. My husband and I sometimes answer questions that were never asked. "But I thought you said...No you said...No, I said...." at which point neither of us has any idea of what the subject was about.

If we can keep ourselves pulled together we laugh everyday over what we think we heard, but there are those days when it is purely frustrating and embarrassing. 

Last week I was playing golf at Shangri la with younger friends, who can still hear and see the golf ball in flight. After a few beers in the clubhouse we were asked and challenged to go to the cliff side and play "Dot Ball." Asking for an explanation, they said that we'd hit golf balls (some old ones they'd brought from home) to the dot in the water below. Well why not, my dad would have jumped in this crazy idea and my partner couldn't resist the challenge. Off we go in a train of golf carts heading over to the cliff view behind the par three hole #13. All the while, my mind is spinning as to how they get a "Dot" to float in the same place on Grand Lake. 

My embarrassment called for another beer and laughter from deep within my soul. They were talking about a "Dock" that floats below. People shoot to this spot for fun and maybe practice.  It is about a 60 yard shot with a fantastic view. I didn't win my money back but I at least hit the dock, not the dot, twice. 

Next week we both have appointments with an audiologist and Ear, Nose, Throat specialist, just in case it is allergies causing the hearing loss instead of aging.  After all,  scientists have proven that we can't stop the aging process!!!!

Today, I recommitted to my regular workout with a trainer at the gym, but first I walked 4,000 steps in the cool morning breezes with the dog. My body is thrilled when the workout is over, and usually it feels better. I think a balanced workout improves my attitude, my posture, and works out some kinks in my muscles and nerves. The problem comes when my mind believes totally that I can do anything. Of course, I then spent an hour working in the garden, putting in sweat equity in preparation for fall and planning some strategic moves of my plants. 

By afternoon I was too tired to write. I love my naps. 

Oh, I almost forgot. We had a kidnapping in the neighborhood this weekend. It was really quite intense, luckily after several hours the boy woke up. 

PS Give my sister, Jonya and her husband Bill, credit for the kidnapping story. 

Glorious Secret and other Burts

Johnie Stapp, the man who coined the word burts. 

Genetics certainly colors our lives from the inside out. We accept what can’t be changed, but strive to correct our ills. However, my sister, Jonya, and I have both inherited a flaw in our tongue that causes us to tangle words and sometimes tinkle! There’s a connection, just keep reading.

When we were quite young my father, a golf pro, was already suffering pain in his shoulders and elbows from years of swinging a golf club, hammering, building, and repairing cars.  One evening after dinner he stood up to reach for another glass of water, and dropped the glass as he reached toward the sink.  Three sets of eyes turned to see the calamity and then heard, “Dammit, my shoulder burts!”

His two daughters and wife sat in silence, afraid to laugh or giggle, but what we heard and what we saw eventually caused a total eruption of hysterics. As much as my dad wanted to scream at us for our rude behavior, he could only join us in the laughter. When the broken glass was cleaned up, a sigh of relief waffled across our shoulders and at last dad explained, “What I meant to say was that my shoulder hurts really bad.”  Burts may not be in the dictionary, but it certainly has held a place in our vocabulary for over fifty years.

One day while shopping and beginning to feel tired on our feet, my sister attempted to explain our feeling, “There’s always a side down to any saturation.” Being tired only added to our uncontrollable laughter, and then one of us felt a warm trickle down a leg. Oh, my. 

Not long ago, a friend asked me about my houseplants that were so strangely shaped. I tried to explain that my grandmother called them “Never Dies”, but the proper term is cacculent.” She looked at me strangely, and my eyes searched my brain back in forth questioning the words I uttered. I continued, “Cacculent, yes, that’s either a cactus or a succulent. You decide.” I appeared as innocent as possible with the newly coined word.

Driving somewhere one day with my comical sister she began to chatter about shopping and what she needed. “I need some new underwear that gives me some support."  Since we were in Tulsa I suggested Zach’s Fifth Avenue. She thought about it a moment and replied, “No I’d rather go to Gloria’s place?” She sat in thoughtful silence, “No, it's not Gloria's," still sighing and thinking, "It's Glorious Secret, for women like us."

"Yes," I laughed, "We'll keep it a secret."

She often makes driving difficult for me, especially in new cities when I’m not sure where places are. Needless to say, our GPS had never heard of A Glorious Secret nor Gloria’s Secret, but we did manage to find Victoria’s Secret, and Victoria's Tea room.

Now the weather spins its own vocabulary and on winter days when the temperatures reach the 70's it is merely "twing" time, in between winter and spring.  

My fit bit just buzzed which means it's time to gualk, or go for a quick walk with the dog on a twing day. 

Please share your own funny word combinations in the comment box below. 

PICK ME UP !

Raindrops keep falling on my head,
No matter what I do the drearies invade my privacy.

Lucy, too, is anxious to be outside running and sniffing.
Her exuberant nudge against my elbow sends my fingers across the keys, carelessly.

I laugh, "Oh, Miss Lucy, let's go for a walk. You do the sniffing, and
I'll eavesdrop on the colorful gardens we pass." 

She knows better than I that it's not the time to write 
when the drearies get a grip on my head.



"So I need a little PiCk Me uP?" I said to my dog.
She grins and wags her tail.


The walk took us around the park and right up a neighborhood Starbucks.
The Chai Tea Latte and blueberry muffin jolted me awake.

I googled "laughter", thinking I'd find a YouTube video of a baby laughing.
Instead, I discovered Yoga Laughter.  

Yoga Laughter (link to the video) 

I skipped through various videoes laughing quietly and shaking my shoulders,
ignoring the people and the clouds. 

Funny baby giggles

The cold rain came out of the clouds hiding behind the red brick building.
People scattered and ran for shelter. I protected by phone and finished my tea.

And Laughed out Loud.

The splendid walk home soaked me to the bone,
and all I could do was laugh.  

Perhaps not the most gentle of PiCk Me UPs,
but a cold fresh air walk in the rain truly clears the mind.

Cats, dogs, and babies make me giggle

Golf Gypsy: Rat Bastard's Revival

Alice, alias Rat Bastard

Her given name is "Rat Bastard."  She came to me several years as a prize in a golf event at Prairie Dunes.  I believe my golf gypsy friends from Topeka rigged the play day, just so I would win this ratty beady eyed character.  I'm sure they never dreamed that when she became the head cover for my 5 Wood that her devious ratty ways and wayward life would soon change, as I hit solid clean shots down the fairway with her,earning her the name of 

"Alice."  

But times and places change and with that new friends and stories are created.  Alice's history at The Trails has been overshadowed by her

rat like tail that startles golfers.  I'd thrown her down on the fairway and prepared to hit my five wood into the green when Tammy screamed and jumped sideways on the golf cart.  "That tail it moved.  What is it?" She screamed.  It's rather difficult to calmly settle a woman down after she thinks she's seen a tail to an animal twitch, especially one that resembles a rat.  Laughter, however, is the miracle worker.

Maybe that's why I keep her in my golf bag.  On a warm sunny spring

Cathy, Ellen, Jean

day this year Ellen walked by my golf bag then suddenly leaped to the side and yelped like a she'd been bitten.    The foursome quickly gathered round to assess the problem when they all

discovered "Rat Bastard" sitting on my golf club.   The official 

  explanation made no sense, what friend would give someone a rat head cover, but the laughter that followed made for fun memories. 

Lucy, alias Big Dog, and Alice

 Just like in life, sometimes the golf shots don't always run straight and true.  Perhaps the      greatest gift of playing sports is making friends, and learning to laugh at yourself.  Rat   Bastard and Big Dog may fail me from time to time, but my real friends stand with me and guide me through the rough.   

Laugh for me somewhere on the golf course today, dear friends.   

Letty Stapp Watt
historian, golfer