The Golf Gypsy: My Mother's Words

The Stapp Family at the Country Club about 1966-67
Jonya, Johnie, Helen, Letty

Monday Evening

(June 1967)

Dear Letty,

Just read your note since your phone call and am I glad Mabel is two doors down from you. (Mabel Hotz was my childhood dream golf mother, and one of the first women inducted into the Oklahoma Golf Hall of Fame.)

Back story:

That Monday, June 5,  I qualified for the Women' Oklahoma State Amateur held at Oakwood Country Club in Enid. However, I did not qualify for Championship Flight and my opportunity to win the state championship dissolved,.  My disappointment led to tears of frustration and for me humiliation. 

I had played golf for two years on the men's golf team at NEO. I held a 2 handicap and could play to it on the difficult MGCC course, but my nerves won that day. I was 19 years old. That evening, from the hotel  room in Enid, I called home, collect, sobbing to my mother. 

NOTE: My researching curiosity won out and I searched for the write up on this State Amateur. We played Oakwood CC at 6,529 yards for that championship. I suppose that comes from not having forward tees. I qualified for President's fight and took runner-up after Jarita Askins beat me 2 and 1. 

I would go on to play in the WOGA Championship in 1968 for the last time as a youngster, who felt the weight of winning for her father, her mother, and every member of the country club.

Mother continues:

Letty, the 91 is no disgrace--golf is just a game for some, but it is a way of life for us, and that is why we take it so seriously. Daddy makes his living at it, but you probably won't and neither will Jonya. Just remember that at the end of the day, being a good sport and associating with all those nice people is most important.

You saw Billy Casper (in Tulsa at Southern Hills) smile when he missed a putt and smiled when his opponents made one--you have been looking for an ideal to follow--I think he would be the one I would choose if I were 19 again. He also does not drink and I want you to be a clean pure girl athlete.

Daddy was at the river fishing when you called. In fact he is not back yet.

Just as you told me you "bombed out" and I was thinking you shot a 110-112 or something like that, Jonya sat down by the phone with blood streaming all over the place. She had used an old razor and sliced about two layers of skin from her ankle. I had to put Merthiolate on it and she yelled so loud that on top of your disappointment I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. 

We are calming down watching TV now and I'm getting my nerves put in their proper place now.

Letty, if you are still nervous tomorrow go to a movie. Maybe Louise (Stekoll Johnson) or Rinda (Koppitz) would like to go with you. It is best to get out of this world sometimes. A good book might do the same therapy. 

None of the Miami players did any good at the Hill Blast  tournament in Bartlesville, But just think Ben Hogan bought Daddy's team and we mingled with movie stars and golf stars for two days. 

Are the Bell's there? Tell them all hello--

I got Dad to stay home all day and he is rested. Now if I could get him to a movie.  I'd really be living. 

Well it's time to put Jonya's T.V. dinner on. She has stopped bleeding.   

Remember darling--the golf does not matter.  It is the gladness of your mind that is really life.   Smile win or lose.

Love,

Mama cita

 (Mother loved to use the Spanish language and thus my sister, Jonya, is fluent in Spanish, and spent her life living out some of Mother's dreams.)

Little did we know that my younger sister, Jonya, would go on to the Oklahoma Junior Girls Championship in 1968 Oklahoma Junior Girls Golf Championship

Luckily, like kids and children do, I lived and learned about life through competitive golf. I, also, became better golfer and competitor as it as I grew into adulthood. 

My mother's letter has traveled with me from Enid, to Ft. Hood, to Kansas, Oklahoma, Kansas, and back home to Oklahoma. Her words have never left my heart and to this day I seek a good book or sometimes a movie to escape my worries..

My parents died in 1989 and I miss them everyday, but I must add that Dad has certainly entertained my mind when I am playing golf.  He gave me the nickname of Tizzy, does that tell you something about my scattered brain as teen?  

Vanity is Sanity

Dance Recital at the Coleman Theater.

All these many years my legs have pulled me through the

  times of growing pains and comparisons.

A Twiggy or Brook Shields I will never be.

When pimples and body fat appeared on my body,

  I winced and groaned as I looked in the mirror.
Sighing heavily, I shaved my legs while humming:

     

     “What the world needs now is love sweet love.

     It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of…”

                                 Lyrics by Burt Bacharach and Hal David

                                   What the World Needs Now (click to hear the music) 

USGA Jr. Girls Championship. 

  
Through childhood and college years these legs kicked and danced in recitals and drill teams.

They walked golf courses and campuses supporting golf clubs or books.

During the decades of raising kids, it was my legs that pushed me forward,
  that withstood days when I felt like buckling.
Our family Saturday outings took us to the Duck Pond where we jogged
  around the workout/walking path or ran the track,
Teaching our children the importance of commitment to fresh air and
  movement.
My legs glistened in the summer heat,

  reminding me that they held me fast to the ground, like roots of the trees.

Watching a lengthy downhill putt on #6 at Oakwood CC, Enid. 

For a decade I wore short skirts, just to show off my legs,
  a mere glance at my vanity. 

The next few decades I wore mid-length skirts and shorts, but by my fifties
  my knock knees caved inward, my feet gave out

  with arches falling and toes twisting.

What’s a girl to do?

"Vanity is sanity," the older women told me when I was young.

 I began to understand.

 

I dared myself in my sixties to wear skorts on the golf course,

  and sometimes felt self-conscious when I bent over to line up a putt.

I looked around and gained confidence watching women carry themselves

  proudly on the golf course in stylish clothing.

Vanity is sanity, I began to see it in their faces and posture.

Letty and Dawn laughing and posing in
 Bitch Wings at Belmar CC. 

One day, as I danced a step of joy after making a lengthy putt, my left heal 

  kicked my right shin bone, oh ouch!

It bruised immediately showing a bold blood red and purple splotch. 

  What happened?

Another day my dog pawed me with affection leaving a streak of dark

  red bruising down my leg, the next day it was my arms that bruised.

The decades were showing signs of aging, my skin was no longer lush 

  and rich with collagen. 

Don't they make a pill for this, I screamed in my head.
  It was pills for back pain that thinned the skin!

Vanity is sanity. Now I understand.

No defeat for a woman who walks with confidence.

     “I am woman hear me roar….

      You can bend but never break me

      ‘Cause it only serves to make me

      More determined to achieve my final goal

      And I come back even stronger

      Not a novice any longer

      Cause you’ve deepened the conviction in my soul.”

                                             Lyrics by Helen Reddy and Ray Burton

                                               I Am Woman (click to hear the music) 

There are clothes for this:  fitted pants still show the legs but not the scars.

These legs of mine stand strong but bruised.

  I work them out regularly at the gym keeping my posture upright.

Then treat them with tender loving care and lotions galore both night and day.

Vanity is sanity. Now I understand.

MHS Class of 65, Letty and Donna dancing the golf rock and roll. 

How long these legs will carry me, is one of the mysteries of our lives.

I can't prevent the effects of aging but I can love who I am.

Heading into the grays of the approaching winter days and decades,

  I am proud to be a Baby Boomer breaking in another decade.

Now I understand. Loving yourself is not vanity, it is sanity.

Glancing out to the North Sea off the coast of Scotland.