IN--BETWEEN

Covered in neutral tones of grey walls with shiny dental pics glaring at me from the side of the angular arm, the dentist chair smelled new. Our dentist looked younger than I expected, fresh in bold pink scrubs, hazel brown eyes filled with excitement of her first year as Doctor Z. 

I remained as relaxed as I could be, eyes searching for the old posters on the walls and ceiling of alligators grinning, cartoon characters wagging floss and toothbrushes. My grown children will miss those posters, too.

No signs of older times appeared except in my imagination. I could hear Doc Jackson from the back of my head asking me all about my golf game while all the time in dental assistant, often times his wife, Norma Lou, began organizing the tools on clear tray, steaming hot from the sanitizing waters. The glass windows in the building on North Main and 2nd N.E. were glazed over. No pictures, no colors, but lively one-sided conversation with Doc. At thirteen I would see the dentist many more summers. 

Then I felt the hands on my left cheek, the numbing agent complete followed by the needle that appeared longer than a sewing needle; some things don't change. 

Relax and breathe deeply, go to your happy place....She suggested. I wanted to scream but was afraid to choke.

A few slow deep breathes later, I found myself standing next to the two horses in a pasture not far from home. They come to the barbed fence when I don't have the dog with me, allowing me to rub their noses even without food in my hands to tempt them. The stallion is always the first while the palomino hangs back. This time she gently nudged her head toward me but a sharp pain from the barbed wire shook me. 

The dentist grimaced. I'm sorry she said, "I need to numb your jaw a little more." 

When my eyes closed again and I could breathe easily the fence didn't exist. The palomino knelt and I climbed on her bare back. I could only see prairie and hills ahead, no busy intersections or sirens blaring. She trotted to the lower forty acres out toward the creek that was filled with cool spring water. She dipped her head to drink, slapped the flies with her tail. I giggled until a drool slide down my face and neck. It felt cold against my hot skin. My tongue filled my mouth and made no effort to help me.

"Are you ok?" the dentist asked.

I wanted to tell her to let me run with the horse again across the prairie lands of green and yellow, and leave this chair behind, but I couldn't.

Do you need a break? This will be long procedure and I don't want you feel it. 

My headed nodded up and down and sideways, I had no control. 

The noise, the stinging stopped. My mouth felt the cool water sprayed around. I wanted to smile but couldn't. The trickle of water ran down my throat taking me back to the horse, and she slowly pulled up her head and trotted down the side of the creek bed and off through the blooming yellow wildflowers in motion from the breeze of the butterflies feeding. 

My eyes opened and suddenly I coughed. My mouth my cleared and I could feel the water once again trickling down my throat. Would this never end?

Hang in there, we are almost finished. Then we will prep you for the crown. You've been very calm the last hour....

Part of me laughed and I was reminded of a statue I'd seen in Tulsa of a young girl carrying a basket through a spring garden. She seemed so alive to me, but bronze never moves unless in a dream. Her body stretched skyward like a ballerina. Smiling I could hear her sing and her feet lightly touching the ground but not breaking the flowers. A fairy I thought, a very real and child-sized fairy. Cool breezes circled us as I joined her in the flower dance. My body life-sized but light airy with a bronze colored fairy at my side. The Cardinals peeped in the distant trees, telling others of their view. The Bewick wrens on the branches beside us ventured out to sing for us. 

One bird touched my cheek and I awoke, my mouth empty, dry, then wet, then gurgled clean. I followed their directions awake and methodical. The dental assistant placed a damp cloth on my forehead and assured me all was done and my mouth was healthy. Time to take a breath and sit up slowly. My jaw felt swollen and sore.  

Stepping outside I noticed the birdsong in the tree across the way, a mockingbird.  

Golf Gypsy Hyperventilates

"Next on the tee the foursome of ......  A ten minute call for the following ladies...."

How many times as a teenager did I hear that announcement before a round of golf. Whenever my name rang across the loudspeaker at a golf course for a ten minute call to the tee, I immediately ran to the bathroom with knots in my stomach.  When I didn't pass out, I ventured out to the first tee. However, my breathing came in gulps of air with shoulders pulled upwards toward my ears in tension. Once I hit that first tee shot, the shoulders usually began to relax and my breathing pattern became quiet, instead of yawning, gasping, and sucking for air.

Decades passed and I learned that I hyperventilate when dealing with stress or tension.  I tried every trick I read to stop the labored gasping. Meditation and yoga worked best, but I didn't know how to incorporate them into my everyday life when suddenly I couldn't breathe normally. 

This spring I began to hyperventilate on the golf course. It has been decades since I couldn't breath on the golf course, because golf has become my solace, my retreat from the tensions of everyday life. Again and again this spring I found myself nearly fainting from dizziness. In fear of something serious, I consulted a doctor, and we decided it might be depression, which is nothing new to me.

After one week on my medication, I woke up and said, No this is not my problem. I stopped the pills and began a lengthy internet search, where I found a natural way to treat my difficulty in breathing. It is called the Buteyko Breathing Method.

Since May I have applied every breathing method that Buteyko shares for those of us who struggle with chronic "over breathing" which includes mouth breathing, upper chest breathing, sighing (yawning), and taking large breaths prior to talking. I am not asthmatic, but I have created a very unhealthy response to stress.

The first step is to use the control pause concept to evaluate your relative breathing volume.  This website explains it best and provides videos: Buteyko Breathing Method  

Because these methods are new to me, and my stress and tension has not gone away, I've discovered that I must be conscious of my breathing at all times. The exercise to reverse mouth breathing is one I use nearly every morning, and it clears my nasal passages without medication.

The other lifesaving technique I learned quells panic attacks and anxiety. When I catch myself gasping for air, I take a small breath through my nose; a small breath out; I hold my nose for five seconds in order to hold my breath, and then release it to resume breathing. I breathe normally for ten seconds and repeat the sequence.  Sometimes, after three repetitions I am breathing normally again, other times it takes four to five repetitions.  This works in any location; home, driving, eating, playing golf, walking. 

The science and story behind Buteyko's Breathing Method is amazing yet simple.  By breathing calmly, using more shallow breathing I have better oxygenation to help my tissues and organs, especially my brain. If I over breath then I have too much oxygen in my system and not enough CO2. Lack of CO2 (carbon dioxide) causes the blood vessels to constrict. By over breathing we lose carbon dioxide, and the smooth muscles surrounding the airways and the blood vessels constrict. As the airway constricts, there is a natural reaction to breathe more intensely. However, this causes even greater loss of carbon dioxide, and cooling of the airway causes it to close even more. For me, this created a vicious cycle of gasping for air, dizziness, and a foggy brain that kept me from enjoying healthy thinking and living.

This is perhaps the healthiest lifesaving activity I've ever discovered, and I truly wish I'd known it decades ago.  To read more about how to calm yourself and breath properly please follow up with the above mentioned site or the one shown below. 

The Buteyko Clinic  

Letty Stapp Watt
historian, golfer

Golf Gypsy: Words Matter

The first of February I began to workout four mornings a week. Today, I added a new routine on the mat--practicing the bench (Plank) hold.  In order to really build strength in my core, it is important to strengthen my core by holding myself up in a plank position for two minutes from arms to toes, and two minutes on each side for three sets. Holding each pose for the first set lasted sixty seconds and gave me a red face. On the second set I began to shake and quiver from tired muscles, so I rolled over and said, "Oh, Well!" 

I walked away and began to roll up the mat. Luckily, I have an inner spirit that yelled at me today and said, "It matters. Now get back over there and finish the routine."  To my own amazement, I did and like a child, I smiled at myself in accomplishment.  

Focus helps.

I learned a decade ago that "Oh, Well" demoralizes my golf game and my spirit.  It's like the "I can't do it" phrase, and it sets up failure. Now I write single thought words on my golf balls, like "It Matters," "Level Hips," "Swing and Sing," or "Giggle Inside." These are thoughts that keep me focused. 

The Pro giving lessons 1954. MGCC

I also know how to live with my golf scores. If I am a 10 handicap then I know that on my best day I will hit at least 10 bad shots. Notice, that is on my best day.  So on those days when I experience some "Crazy 8's," I can say "Ok," not "Oh, Well." I feel the difference inside of me with the words I chose to say.  It Matters.

It matters when I write, even if I've not finished that book.  I'm careful to say, "Ok" I can live with this because writing is a process that I practice nearly everyday. The quote above my desk reads, "What lies behind us and what lies before us...are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

I love my brain (most of the time), but it stays in constant motion.  When it's good it's really really good, and when it's bad, it splashes in the bottom of a deep black well (Oh, Well.).  That is why I've added meditation to my life.  I know better than to say that I will meditate  everyday because I will fail.  Instead, I have agreed with myself to practice mindful meditation at least twice a week.  When I meditate more then it's like icing on a cake, and it gives my crazy brain a break.  

Our words matter.  Let's be kind to ourselves each day.

It Matters.

We all have stories to tell.  What words motivate you? You are welcome to leave comments below where the blue words say "comments."  Those comments come to me to read before I publish them.