A Funny Ending After All

Between Braum's malts, with an extra dip of malt please, hitting golf balls on the driving range, and walking, I let go of all things that consumed my gut earlier this month.  This only took a day of my life and lots of laughter therapy at myself, and then I read this cartoon. "Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go." I could have played in the leaves and forgotten everything instantly.  *Previous blog link Looking for a Funny Ending

Except our leaves haven't fallen and now we have a snow and ice storm tearing our tress apart. This is why Oklahoman's have such a humorous backbone when it comes to weather. It is, after all, October 26. Why should we be surprised at icy roads and closed schools?

The computer is no longer in danger of a dastardly virus, and so far we haven't caught a virus either. Best of all my new car adventures reached closure with the purchase of "Helen Reddy."

2020 Ford Escape

This purchase reminded me again of how resolute we women need to be when taking on the world of car buying. After I relaxed from three days of golf competition, I returned to the computer for info on new smaller SUV's.  I also queried women friends who had newer cars with safety and technological advances.  Then I put together a list of what I wanted and what I didn't need. I didn't need all of the space I once needed for golf adventures across Kansas and Oklahoma. I needed new safety features and wanted a sporty color, not white, not black, not gray.

Within three days, the dealership worked with me and found a red Ford Escape. Only people who are five foot five or shorter might appreciate the most important feature on my new car, the seat belt that crosses my chest fits me. For decades I wore the seat belt under my left arm, knowing that on impact I would crush my left boob, my lungs, and my heart and die! Now I feel safer than ever. 

Owning a new car and with confounding technology, like remote start, travel apps, audio messaging, warning systems that light up without explanation, means that I have to learn to drive all over again. 

Let's start with the beginning. Immediate success doesn't happen when learning how to start the car with NO ignition switch. My right hand is trained to insert a key, not push a button; trained to reach for a gear shift, not a shift dial; and besides that the car runs so quietly that I can't tell if it is running or not. Older cars can be heard.

My weekend reading highlights included "Memory Function." It seems my car knows more than I do. "Intelligent Access Remote Entry Icons"-- directions that anyone can follow IF they've done it before. The cold temperatures yesterday pushed me to read and learn how to use the remote start, but now I need to know how to program myself or "smart phone" to warm the seats and the steering wheel before I get in. (Matthew please come home from New York and teach me how to be as smart as my car and phone.)  "Intelligent Access" but nowhere does it explain the training involved in changing the mind of a woman who could still start a car with a clutch and run it through the gears. Best laugh of technical reading: The index refers to a "bonnet lock." Where was this when the pioneer women needed it?

My favorite technology is a BLIS (Blind Spot Information System). Even after cataract surgery I worried that my eyes might not see a small car coming along side of me. Now my car tells me with orange flashing indicator lights on the side mirrors when a car is in the blind spot. Relief!

 Somewhere on the car the book tells me I have a "panic" button. Where was that panic button when my car vibrated and tightened the steering wheel when I was test driving the car? The manual tells me to use the panic button only in case of a "Post Crash Alert." I hope I never have to learn that system. 

1972 Capitol Records

Sadly, I can't play my Helen Reddy music.  A new challenge of learning how to upload or download music to the cloud creates a sense of stress. Yes, Sirius plays my music until the contract runs out. I can plug in my EYE phone and listen to Pandora, but I have
no EYEdea of how to listen to my favorite CD music. Turning my head to the right of my computer, I see three shelves of CD'S. Oops, and a pile of records.  What to do?

I think I will simply listen to the ice hit the roof,  watch the house finches flutter around the bird feeder, hope that our trees are strong enough to withstand a freak winter storm, and give thanks for all we have. 

Ironically, in a time of smart phones and cars, we still need candles and matches lined up on the kitchen counter, just in case the power and brilliance of our world goes out. It must still be 2020. 

The End. 

The Never Ending Story/Storm rages on....