Art Linkletter understood that Kids Say the Darndest Things, but he didn't know that golfer's also say the darndest things, too. 'Fore' instance, the term UBE is often used when one hits and "ugly but effective" shot in golf. We've all hit that shot and laughed about it! One of my old standby slang terms is when I can humbly say "That's a BIPLI!" Translated it means Ball in Pocket, Lost Interest. I recently reported a BIPLI on a par 3 when I hit my tee shot into the gunch (lost it), my next shot into a bunker, skulled it out of the bunker over the green into the tall grass, nailed it back over the green, and then chunk chipped it. Still not on the green, I picked up my ball, and placed it in my pocket. Then said with a growl, "That's a BIPLI."
Another explanation women occasional utter is, "Give me a Snowbitch." I howled the first time I heard that term, and my imagination went wild. I could see that hand drawn figure on a scorecard with eyelashes and a smile looking at me and laughing. I came home and immediately drew my version of a snowbitch "8."
Keeping my mind focused on golf and not my "to do" list is difficult, so I learned years ago that singing softly to myself keeps my rhythm and control of my brain. One evening in a couples event, I was quite surprised to hear a man say, "Ha, that's Linda Ronstadt shot." I studied the moment then inquired. "That shot just 'Blue By You'" he explained. A moment of laughter is always appreciated. Every time my head sings Blue Bayou I think of that shot, and swing with purpose.
The newest humorous line added to my vocabulary and to help lighten the day or the moment is, "Got your Bitch Wings Showing?" It's the act of a person standing staring while placing one or both hands
on the hips. Now that's a pose I've seen before, with and without smiles to adore the moment.
The next time you notice a pose like this I hope you laugh, and remember to play faster, "while we are young at heart.*"
*Thank you Arnie.
Not many people have friends who give them "rats" for surprise gifts, but I'm fortunate to have friends who know that I love to tell a good story, and so "Rat Bastard" came to me over five years ago needing a home and acceptance.
Rat tours every golf course proudly covering the head of my five wood. Who can blame a rat for admiring the scenery at PGA West where the mountains cascade into the desert surroundings and nature's critters roam the golf courses, but when she strays from the fairway in search of adventure I sometimes pinch her tail to show her my disgust with her errant shots. On moments like that I can blame the rat for a poor shot, but when she's good she's very very good and I compliment her by saying, "Great shot Phyllis," the lady who gave me Rat. I've found that I get better shots out of her when I reinforce those great moments.
So imagine my surprise this summer when I looked for my golf bag on a golf cart in a mass of carts lined up for a tournament, and casually walked up to the cart carrying the "Rat." But the bag was not mine. There were two "Rats" in the world. I laughed, but time was escaping me and I needed to be efficient. My partner and I hit some practice shots, putted then after announcements drove out to our tee box. At last the other two ladies drove out, and there she was, the second "Rat Bastard." I couldn't believe my eyes and to hear the lady tell her story, I laughed even more.
She bought her first "rat" and enjoyed watching the faces of her friends when she'd throw the club cover on the ground and the tail would flop or slide just like a rat. Her friends screamed or jumped and she laughed. Our stories were so similar.
She then told me, "Once I lost Rat at a golf course and panicked. Luckily, by the end of the day someone had turned the 'ugly club cover' into the golf shop, and they called me. I drove 45 miles back to that course that evening just to get my loveable club cover. After that I went online looking for a second 'Rat Bastard' cover just in case. I had no luck until someone in the Daphne company gave me a list of where they sold them. Then I called each golf shop until I found one unsold rat. Now, I own two rat club covers."
So that day the rats enjoyed a ride around Dornick Hills. For the most part each rat performed with grace and humor, and their proud owners each found another soul mate on the golf course with a great sense of humor.
